thought it was over, to cope

No surprises. Yeah, it was my first idea of 2023. Turns out everything seems a bit blurry, but it is more like kinda gazed out from my mind.

Late-night talking with my mind is such a habit these days. the early time when the sun hits, that’s the only time when i could make a peace with my anxiety and overthinking. Hair falling, skin breakout, gaining some weight, and so on.

Peaceful sleep is such a thing that long for a time. Now, the daydreaming and I are best friends. Zone out in every aspect of life, all I could think is merely how to cope with this loss and grief.

I was doing fine, but then an early morning call from someone, “it’s happening, she passed away “. The moment of silence hits me. I let the sun through me, each silhouette suddenly reminds me about her.

The time before, the time we met, and I don’t know what happened next. Frozen, even though the daylight was right above me. Is it just another daydreaming?

I and she were not so close. Like only once or twice a year we met. But, this feeling of regret and pain comes a long way in my chest. No tears.

I saved it till when I saw your tombs yesterday. So sorry that I couldn’t make it in time. Sorry, I am not there to sit by your side to accompany you through your pain and sorrows. I yearn to meet you again, to talk, to get your kisses on my forehead that are always heartwarming to me. Now, I got none to do so. Hope you enjoy your new journey to Him. Love you always.

Thanks to the year 2023. You could still give me a shocking heartbreak. During these teasing scenes, I hope that this year could be a present for me, even if it was showing up like this. A secret that we know and don’t know how to tell, I know we will, and I know it.